i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
