he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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