I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
