i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
