strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
