Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
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