Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
