it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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