i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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