My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
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