I just pynch a tree in the face
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
