I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
