On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize