It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
