Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
