I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
