I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
