One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Randomize
