this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
he just fucked me for my cheese.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize