I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
