I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
All I want is dick and wine.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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