i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Randomize
