um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
