i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
