I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
