I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
