Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
