Who did Billy Mays play for?
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
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