Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Already got asked if we're dating
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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