you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
