listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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