WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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