I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
