lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
My ATM looks so different sober.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
