I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
