My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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