i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
