he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
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