I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
