He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
then he tried to convert me to islam
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
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