My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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