What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I just had sex on a roof
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
