Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
