HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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