so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
one might say we're banned from that church
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
You left your phone here
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