Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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