He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
