in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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