Where are you?
In a non slutty way
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize