i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
