I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
