connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
