I think scott just propositioned me for sex
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
