i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
