this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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