Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
