are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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