What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Randomize
