Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
