planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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