One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
