Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Randomize
