I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
There's a naked man in my car right now.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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