your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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