The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
