Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Randomize
