we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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