Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
