and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
