i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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