you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
