Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
