Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
