The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
