I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize