dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
