I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
wrigley field is MILF paradise
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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