They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Randomize
