Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize